The Five Commandments of Restaurant Dining
Warning: I've broken most of them.
Eating in large groups at a restaurant is a laugh riot. Everyone talking and giggling at once, swapping stories and cracking jokes. But it can also be a fraught business, trying to balance everyone's needs.
Photo Description: This photo shows a large group of diners, at least 10. They sit at a long table cluttered with glasses, plates and cutlery.
Pulling off a large group meal involves sharing. It involves setting your own ego aside (apparently.) I've come up with five commandments of restaurant eating that I flatter myself will remove this fraught factor. Note to self: you too need to obey these commandments.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's grub
You think you're being friendly. You pass a table of people you don't know and you say to one of them, 'What's that? That looks nice.' Or at your own table, you might say, 'What are you going to have? Oh, that sounds yummy.'
You may feel you're just making conversation, but some people do find this invasive, so it’s best to leave people to eat in peace.
Thou shalt not judge thy neighbour's food choices.
I’m fierce guilty of breaking this commandment. Speech bubbles appear above my head as people place their orders and sometimes these speech bubbles turn into words that come out of my mouth.
'Chicken? Sure you could eat that at home.' Newsflash, people can choose what they want without the need to attach personality traits to them.
Thou shalt not treat the staff like robots
When you're eating in a large group, you forget about the staff. Good staff know this, and they'll just slide up and take your plate away while you're yapping. Still though, they're human beings.
Make their job easier. Pass plates out to them if you're in an awkward spot. Look at the menu when you come in rather than launching into chat, so you're ready when they come to take your order. And for the love of heaven, remember what you
ordered – it's not difficult.
Thou shalt not be the only eejit who orders a starter
Breaking this commandment should be considered a capital offence. As it is, it takes time to order when you're in a large group, due to the sheer volume of people. But there's always that one person who wasn't listening when everyone else was ordering and orders a starter.
Which means everyone else has to wait, their stomach growling, while they eat bruschetta or garlic mushrooms. It's simple; pay attention to what other people are ordering. If you can see that no-one else is ordering a starter, put your hunger on hold.
Thou shalt not let others subsidise thy expensive tastes
Ah, the bill! The most fraught part of any dining experience. I could write a whole post on it. The biggest problem with a bill for a large group is that some have more expensive tastes than others.
That means those who are more moderate in their eating habits lose out. Some people may be content to have others subsidise their expensive palates, but frankly, it isn't fair. Take your left brain out of storage and work out what you have. Then you can fund your own red wine habit.
If you'd like to tell me what your restaurant commandments are, you can email me on derbhile@writewordseditorial.ie or phone 0876959799.
I relate to those commandments!